Hey Killer....


ahhhh..I consider myself a sexy,strong willed woman, cut from a relatively moral cloth... (albeit,a shifting morality,often altered by my consumption of jaegermeister, but still there is a fiber that remains)...yet...I've been stuck or strung out on this idea that I somehow need to alter my behaviour or nature to fit some culturally accepted idea of healthy-which is sick really...what I am trying to say...

I just woke up to find my so-called boyfriend, knocking out some cocaine, drinking beer, and playing on the computer-which at some point usually turns into a visit to nakedcelebs.com.

two things are really annoying about this.

1. he chooses coke which makes him impotent over a sex life with me-when I told him that the ONLY reason I am leaving is to have a shot at a decent sex life.

2. we haven't had sex in over a month, cuz he says he isn't feeling sexual, but he is horny enough to look at porn...so that translates into me feeling like I am revolting...when he is 40 and 40 lbs over weight-but its my fault we aren't having sex...Riiiight...

I have shut myself off out of some sort of loyalty to him...like I keep thinking if I were married I wouldn't just leave-but be forced to work it out...but I am not married and that is good becuz I think i dodged the bullet with this one...

I am so gonna find you and take out my frustrations...eat some spinach.-MG