Little Green Faeries

Like someone pissing in your stream of consciousness

Friday, October 27, 2006

Restaurants are worlds unto themselves...certain codes apply secretly and universally...we are kinda like the Masons but with wine tools and gross amounts of undeclared income...

That said-when you, a new hire, walk into a restaurant, even if you are a rookie-you should display a certain amount common sense and seem knowlegeable overall-or the senior staff will smell blood and will haze you.

They will send you to other restaurants looking for non-existant products like 'meat glue', cucumber paste, buckets of steam etc.

You may find yourself carrying bags of bricks, buckets of colored water, or endlessly draining the coffee machine-

and when you head into another restaurant looking for a refill of bar neon or packets of dehydrated water-no one will let you in on the joke-they will pass you off to another restaurant until you return back to your shop-out of breath and empty handed-where everyone will laugh at you.

We are a surly band of rogues...but it is great fun on a good day and on a bad day worse than working a deep fryer in the nude.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

I can't make this stuff up

Right now I am passing through a dark period and have become relatively apathetic. So when I get this email today,I don't think much of it

"are you really a mistress, if so then i thought if you were interested maybe we could send sex emails to eachother. If not, then do you mind if i say what i want to you then anyway."

and that apathy mixed with the stink of a rainy day led me to this reply-

"slaves only speak when spoken to"

Now this kid, missing the biting wit writes back and says

"Will you give me the permission to touch myself to t thought of licking your asshole? Can I also have your IM address so that i can actually speak with you?

At this point I am creeped out,but kinda amused. I am dismissive and just say

"Do what you gotta do"

Unfortunately he does

"Mistress I have done it. I touched myself to the thought of you sitting on my face and making me stick my tongue up your asshole.
I am nothing, and even though you asshole is worth more than my life, thank you for allowing scum like me to associate with it.
Mistress please allow me to IM you. I want to be able to have you tell me what to do on the spot. I want you to be able to type me a command and I follow it like the asslicking, human toilet that I am."

That my friends, is where the line is crossed. I tell him to "Get a grip" and end contact.

I just don't get it.Tidy?

Sunday, October 15, 2006

The Money Shot

So there is this bartender/manwhore who works at a bar next to mine

I have heard, that when it comes to women, he still maintains a thin layer of the primordial slime that separates man from beast (or man from astroman)

In the real world, the one determined by a delicate balance of physics and logic, where gravity tugs at the moon and levity tugs at the corners of my mouth-everything about this guy is a red flag

he reeks of cheap beer and sour grapes. He is mostly likely damaged goods and possibly a vessel of herpes and a vassal of misogyny

Yet, I wanna shoot jaeger and have a pillow fight with this fella

I am hopeless.

Monday, October 09, 2006

Laundry List

I saw The Hives (rockers) walking the streets of Memphis.

I saw downtown Memphis burn to the ground.

Everytime I see the boy, I giggle like a school girl.

I have been working like a dog and trying to spend time with my dogs.

Mr. Gita treats me poorly but then claims he needs me.

I just want to save money and get to Italy.

I have been riding my bike atleast 12 miles a week.

I sleep on a blanket on a hardwood floor.

I get cold.

Yet somehow I am happier than I have been in a long while.

my roommate has a huge penis. I mean HUGE.

my dreams have been of longing.

I can't even say his name without smiling...but I don't know if he knows that.


I have a crush on a boy.

Monday, October 02, 2006

well, I was trying the food at my new job and I went into anaphylactic shock. I looked like Eric Stolz in "Mask". That was fun.

I have never had a severe reaction to anything.....It was a bit taxi driver wanted to take me directly to the hospital but I was too poor-so I had him drop me at home and I took a handful of antihistimines before my throat closed.

good times