Little Green Faeries

Like someone pissing in your stream of consciousness

Monday, May 01, 2006

Tennessee is in the process of passing legislation that would make the purchase and possession of a "three dimensional device used mainly for the sexual stimulation of the genitalia" illegal. That's a dildo to those of you who may have missed it. Showing someone your dildo will be punishable by a mandatory sentence of one year.The fact that they were able to evade the word dildo or vibrator and use legalese just makes me chuckle.

Oddly enough, I can by a gun at Kmart.But I digress.

The only caveat to the "no dildo" law is if you are prescribed a dildo by your shrink. I am glad the South has finally made it to the 19th century where vibrators were used by doctors to treat hysteria.

Honestly, as a woman who travels and likes to sample the local delicacies when I do so (when in Rome, do the Romans-i always say)-Women in the South need dildos more than anywhere else I have ever been.Seriously. I have "taken" a random sampling of the population and Southern men are duds.I haven't had a Southern Fried Fuck that was worth the 45 seconds it entailed. In fact, if anyone wants to know why I hate the South-it is for that reason. There is an overabundance of terrible lovers here.And to add insulty to chastity-they are making vibrators contraband!!!

The problem with Southerners is this:by the time you convince them they aren't going to hell and work them through their mommy issues-no amount of lube can put back what has been taken away. The flip side of that, is those rugged types whose bedroom prowess could be likened to outtakes from "Deliverence". Nothing makes me more likely to pull out the pepper spray than a guy simultaneously "hog-calling" and trying for some anal play.

I read some of what is out there on this subject-and there is no real rationale. Banning sextoys isn't going to elevate morality-It's going to make people grumpy. And much more likely to buy cucumbers.

Maybe that is who is behind this. The Phallic Vegetable Lobby. Because people are going to find a way to get off...batteries not necessarily included


Blogger tideliar said...

YOu tell 'em girl! any explanaition as to why they're trying to pass this law?

3:16 PM  

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