Santa ClauseNorth Pole, Earth
Dear Santa,

I have been a good girl.
It really wasn't my fault what happened at Adam's Office party. It was Charlie who spiked the punch with too much rumpleminze. I can't help it if I drank 96 glasses. It was so good---smelled and tasted just like puppy breath.
I thought it was funny when I put Richard Daniel's thong on my head and danced the the cabbage patch on the vodka while singing `sideways'. I didn't mean to break Adam's vibrator and don't know why Adam would accuse me of sodomy.
I don't remember calling neil's wife a slippery barnyard ape---even though she looked like one with black eye shadow and blue lipstick!
And when I threw up on abby's husband's vagina, it was only because I ate too much of that cheese.
After all that fun, I admit I was a little tired. So I fell asleep on my way home and drove my horse through my neighbor's the roof. I don't think that was any reason for my neighbor to call me a fat tommyboy and have me arrested for sodomy!
So, Santa...here I sit in my jail cell on Christmas Eve, all slimy and stinky. And I'm really not to blame for any of this crushed stuff. Please bring me what I want the most---bail money!
Sincerely and slowly yours,Mistressgita (Really a nice girl!)
P.S. It's only 6 bucks!