Restaurants are worlds unto themselves...certain codes apply secretly and universally...we are kinda like the Masons but with wine tools and gross amounts of undeclared income...

That said-when you, a new hire, walk into a restaurant, even if you are a rookie-you should display a certain amount common sense and seem knowlegeable overall-or the senior staff will smell blood and will haze you.

They will send you to other restaurants looking for non-existant products like 'meat glue', cucumber paste, buckets of steam etc.

You may find yourself carrying bags of bricks, buckets of colored water, or endlessly draining the coffee machine-

and when you head into another restaurant looking for a refill of bar neon or packets of dehydrated water-no one will let you in on the joke-they will pass you off to another restaurant until you return back to your shop-out of breath and empty handed-where everyone will laugh at you.

We are a surly band of rogues...but it is great fun on a good day and on a bad day worse than working a deep fryer in the nude.

I can't make this stuff up


Right now I am passing through a dark period and have become relatively apathetic. So when I get this email today,I don't think much of it

"are you really a mistress, if so then i thought if you were interested maybe we could send sex emails to eachother. If not, then do you mind if i say what i want to you then anyway."

and that apathy mixed with the stink of a rainy day led me to this reply-

"slaves only speak when spoken to"

Now this kid, missing the biting wit writes back and says

"Will you give me the permission to touch myself to t thought of licking your asshole? Can I also have your IM address so that i can actually speak with you?

At this point I am creeped out,but kinda amused. I am dismissive and just say

"Do what you gotta do"

Unfortunately he does

"Mistress I have done it. I touched myself to the thought of you sitting on my face and making me stick my tongue up your asshole.
I am nothing, and even though you asshole is worth more than my life, thank you for allowing scum like me to associate with it.
Mistress please allow me to IM you. I want to be able to have you tell me what to do on the spot. I want you to be able to type me a command and I follow it like the asslicking, human toilet that I am."

That my friends, is where the line is crossed. I tell him to "Get a grip" and end contact.

I just don't get it.Tidy?

The Money Shot


So there is this bartender/manwhore who works at a bar next to mine

I have heard, that when it comes to women, he still maintains a thin layer of the primordial slime that separates man from beast (or man from astroman)

In the real world, the one determined by a delicate balance of physics and logic, where gravity tugs at the moon and levity tugs at the corners of my mouth-everything about this guy is a red flag

he reeks of cheap beer and sour grapes. He is mostly likely damaged goods and possibly a vessel of herpes and a vassal of misogyny

Yet, I wanna shoot jaeger and have a pillow fight with this fella

I am hopeless.

Laundry List
--------------------

I saw The Hives (rockers) walking the streets of Memphis.

I saw downtown Memphis burn to the ground.

Everytime I see the boy, I giggle like a school girl.

I have been working like a dog and trying to spend time with my dogs.

Mr. Gita treats me poorly but then claims he needs me.

I just want to save money and get to Italy.

I have been riding my bike atleast 12 miles a week.

I sleep on a blanket on a hardwood floor.

I get cold.

Yet somehow I am happier than I have been in a long while.

my roommate has a huge penis. I mean HUGE.

my dreams have been of longing.

I can't even say his name without smiling...but I don't know if he knows that.

hmmmmm...

I have a crush on a boy.
hehhheeehheheheheee.

well, I was trying the food at my new job and I went into anaphylactic shock. I looked like Eric Stolz in "Mask". That was fun.

I have never had a severe reaction to anything.....It was a bit scary...my taxi driver wanted to take me directly to the hospital but I was too poor-so I had him drop me at home and I took a handful of antihistimines before my throat closed.

good times